


The Harry Diaries

by orphan_account



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, F/M, M/M, Pining Harry, larry au, larry fluff, larry stylinson - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-04
Updated: 2013-08-04
Packaged: 2017-12-22 10:05:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,471
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/911939
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry’s looking for purpose. And then Louis shows up.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Harry Diaries

29 August

Dear Diary,

I am officially starting to hate school.

It’s not as if I don’t have friends right? I mean, I do. Liam’s nice, and so is Niall. We hang out pretty often. Zayn’s cool too, even though he always smells like an ashtray and Josh, he doesn’t talk much and I don’t know him too well, but he can be considered a friend right?

I really don’t understand. I’m not an emo person, like Niall says. I love my life. I love my mum, my sister, her idiot boyfriend (I know I’d never accept it, but he’s nice alright?) I love my friends, the few I have. I love choir, and my teacher Mr. Cowell is strict, but I mean, he’s probably the closest I have to a male role model. People don’t even bully me here like they did in Hoverbrooke. They’re nice, and welcoming, they don’t even care about my sexuality. And I know the new term just started, but there’s something that makes me not want to get out of bed and come there everyday. I just need someone something to give me purpose here. I know im being greedy, but I just need something to give me that push.

And I’m going to keep searching till I find it.

-Harry.

5 September

Dear Diary,

Do you remember when I wrote and said I was looking for purpose?

For ALL future references (Like when I get famous and people will do anything to buy the sanctum of my personal thoughts or when I die and this becomes the new Anne Frank’ Diary) This is not what I was talking about.

I hope.

A new boy joined school today. I heard a bunch of girls whisper around about how ‘hot’ this new guy was, and I got excited because I finally thought they’d be some eye candy in this school I could distract myself by crushing on.

Until I realised they were wrong. This guy wasn’t hot, he wasn’t hot at all. I mean, yeah of course he was, but he was more than that. He was, I don’t know how to describe it exactly.

He was  _beautiful._

 I know it sounds cheesy and stupid but he was beautiful. Everything about him screamed beautiful. He has feathery brown hair, high cheekbones and the kind of smile which wasn’t braces perfect but was aligned enough to make him look modelesque (I’m not a creep, I swear I didn’t spend so much time examining his teeth. Maybe.) His body, yeah I’m sorry but his body was just, no.

I can’t describe how much a part of me wanted to go and yell at him for walking around with clothes on. And his clothes, god he was dressed like a five year old but still, wow.

Since when did suspenders and tight red pants become so fucking hot?

But anyway, his smile was infectious, and I’m pretty sure I let out a louder than meant to be gasp when he bent over to pick up the papers he dropped in those.fucking.pants.

And I’m not even done yet. I was so shocked at how beautiful he was, I didn’t even get his name right. Because his voice was so high but gravelly and I could literally feel him ramming into my ears. And his EYES. JESUS CHRIST.

I didn’t even notice how beautiful they were until the afternoon assembly. I mean, since I was in choir I had to stand up front and sing, and I’m suddenly glad I didn’t get the solo because I swear when I spotted him in the crowd I couldn’t even make a coherent sound.

If I could paint everything I own in one colour, I would definitely paint them in the colour of his eyes. Enough said.

And he was looking at me. And by that, I don’t mean scanning the crowd. I mean literally through a room of 200 girls and boys, his eyes were on me and me only.

So in other words, I am not obsessed with pretty eyes, whatever his name is.

I’ll be back next week when I actually manage to convince myself of that.

-Harry

 

9th September

Dear Diary,

I finally found out his name. It wasn’t exactly in the most ideal way, but I mean, it means something right?

His name is Louis, Louis Tomlinson.

And Louis Tomlinson is loud, crazy, fun, beautiful and my definition of perfect.

I was in the bathroom earlier today when I accidently bumped into him, and a small ‘oops’ escaped his lips. It would’ve probably been weird had it been anyone else but it was Louis and everything he does is cute.

He also spoke to me again in math. He said, “Harry, can I borrow a pencil?” and I’m pretty sure my heart did a back flip because of the way he said my name and oh my god it was just like watching love actually while cuddling someone and I don’t know why I’m doing this I’m a fucking man not a fourteen year old girl.

But either way, I got yelled at in math after that because I gave Louis my only pencil and then I didn’t know what to do for the rest of the class.

SO, then after getting my pencil back he said thank you HAZ and I don’t even know how he picked the perfect nickname and now I’m literally freaking out because I have an essay on napoleon due tomorrow and the only thing I can think about is Louis and how he is so perfect and oh my god I want to hit myself in the face.

But either way, I believe I have managed to find a new purpose, (Even though I said he wasn’t one earlier) because I actually jumped out of bed to see Louis in school today.

I also think I’ve found a new favourite colour, if I didn’t mention that before. Sadly, nothing interesting has been happening in my life which isn’t Louis related.

I SWEAR IM NOT OBSESSED.

Yet.

I guess the only thing worth mentioning is that Liam and Danielle broke up and Liam spent the entire night at my house crying, and I feel bad but I know they’ll get back together. And Zayn’s dating this new girl Perrie and she seems nice and he still smells like an ashtray but I saw him smiling a real smile at lunch today which I haven’t seen in a while. And Niall- He’s still eating and losing everything I lend him. So that’s it.

I’ll be back with more Louis related information next time. (IM NOT OBSESSED.)

-Harry

 

16th September

Dear Diary,

Would it be super duper cheesy if I told you I’ve had one of the best weeks I’ve had in years?

Probably.

Anyway, the reason for my amazing week is 3 words: Louis William Tomlinson. I just can’t stop thinking of him. He joined choir, so I get to hear him sing everyday at the assembly and I sing too and our voices sound so good together it’s just impossible. Is it weird if I call him my eternal duet partner? Yeah, it is but I don’t care.

I say an eternal duet partner is that one person who you can sing with all the time because when your voices combine it can make the most beautiful sound it the world. And I guess when your voice is as deep as mine is, many people would consider a girl’s voice a perfect match for me. But I doubt it, every time I sing with Courtney from choir class (That girl is meant for opera, dear lord) we sound great together, but when Louis started singing for a part of the chorus for the morning assembly with me I don’t think anyone realised how explosive it sounded.

Because, even though no one realises it now, Louis is my eternal duet partner because his voice is delicate and soft and sweet and it can put you to sleep and force your eyes open in wonder at the same time.

I think I’ve been watching too many movies.

But I mean, duet partners always have to have some chemistry right? And Louis and I have chemistry, a lot of it from what my friends have noticed. He’s kinda become a member of our ‘clique’ if you say so, eating lunch with us, hanging out with us. He’s friends with everyone really, and he gets along with all of us, even Zayn, who seems to be so much happier with him around. Niall loves him, but Niall loves everybody, and it also helped that Louis bought him a sandwich after school that day. Liam goes along with everything, and he’s okay with any ray of sunshine in his life since he and Dani broke up. (I’m still rooting for them)

And well, not to forget, me. Louis and I get along very well. For someone who is so distracted by his hair and his eyes and his general perfection, I actually manage to pay attention to what he says, and trust me, he says a lot. But everything he says is worth listening too, and it’s like I’ve known him forever, even though it’s been like 11 days since we first met.

The best part is, in this last week, I have woken up with a smile on my face every morning, literally eager to go to school. Mum and Gemma haven’t failed to notice, and Gemma being the little inquisitive shit she is, actually found out about this new ‘friend’ of mine and began teasing me with him. I don’t get it it’s like she can read minds! I mean, if I didn’t know any better, I’d say she was reading my diary. But she doesn’t even know I own one, I hope.

She’s nice but not nice enough to not want to cause emotional damage to her innocent little brother.

But anyway, Louis is amazing and I am amazing and life is amazing and I don’t know I’m just happy and it’s been a while since that’s happened. It also helps that it’s FRIDAY!

Niall’s coming over tonight, for a little Man’s night of beer and video games and horror movies. For like 5 minutes before we get bored and start watching mamma mia and bambi to get the horrible image of chucky out of our heads. But I’m fine, and so is Niall because he says he can always unleash his inner gay man when he’s with me. I now realise how horrible that sounds but it’s Niall, what’s the worst he could do?

So, see you more facts about Louis. I’m not obsessed, I swear. He’s just my eternal duet partner, whom I might be in love with. JUST KIDDING! Hopefully.

-Harry

19th September

Dear Diary,

Niall did the worst possible thing he could. After Mamma Mia got over on Friday night come Saturday morning, I was so exhausted I had managed to fall asleep on the couch. Niall, bored and not sleepy because he’s some sort of caffeinated monster, decided to take a look around.

And guess what I forgot to put under my bed again? That’s right, YOU.

Niall found my diary. And being the bastard he is, read everything. THREE TIMES AROUND.  I have NEVER been so pissed at him, ever. I mean, he had NO right to look through my stuff. And my diary? Has he never realised that when you find someone’s diary, filled with all their secrets and hopes and dreams, YOU DON’T FUCKING READ IT. AND NOT THREE TIMES.

Apparently I slept for long, because he still hasn’t stopped laughing about the eternal duet partner thing. So, after I was mad at him for reading everything and making fun of me, he gave me those fucking stupid puppy dog eyes which he knows I can’t stand simply so i’d forgive him. So I did. And that’s how we reached to having a heart to heart best bro conversation about how I thought I was in love with the new kid.

Niall, however mad at him I am right now, was still such a great friend about it and honestly a part of me is glad I told him. Because he did laugh, a lot. That’s probably because of my behaviour of a teenage girl over her crush and my obsession with romantic comedies, but then again, what am I supposed to say? I’m pretty sure if you were a real person, number one you wouldn’t let me write all over your face and also, I’m sure you’d make fun of me too.

But anyway, that leads me to where I am now, in English, the only class Louis and I don’t share, writing in my diary because the substitute teacher doesn’t care about anything I’m doing right now.

And when I told Niall not to tell anybody, Liam obviously didn’t count, because he was grinning like a fucking idiot when Louis came and sat next to me earlier. And when I confronted him about it, he made some shitty excuse that he was happy that he and Dani got back together (I lost the bet with Zayn, I had my money on 3 weeks) until I got him to spill that Niall told him.

As much as I love Liam, this is a problem, because he is probably just as bad as keeping secrets as Niall. Being the creepy fuck I am, I spend most of my classes staring at Louis, and this time Liam actually kept count at the amount of times he caught me, and it was 28. He caught be staring at Louis 28 at times in an hour. And do you know what the worst part is? That was the only class Liam had with me and Louis that day!

I also hope it’s not as obvious as it seems, because in gym today I was trying not to ogle Louis who seems to have no problem walking around in his boxers just to sexually frustrate me, and he poked me in the ribs and said, “don’t be jelly Haz, You work out too much.”

And after all this, I have come to one conclusion. My worst fear has come true.

I’m obsessed.

And the only problem with me and obsessions is they always stick and they always become more than that. And that means one thing.

I will eventually fall in love with Louis Tomlinson.

-Harry

14th October

Dear Diary,

I know it’s been a while since I’ve been writing. A month, almost, perhaps? I’ve just been busy, with school, homework, and well, Louis.

And things haven’t been as good as they used to be, Gemma caught Derek cheating on her and she’s been super depressed, and I really don’t like seeing her this way. Mum has a new boyfriend, whom I just pretend to like, but he’s sleazy and weird and I’ve seen him looking at girls in a terrible degrading way which I don’t like. Mum deserves better, but she doesn’t see that. It’s all becoming a little too much for me, and this makes me sad.

I feel sad that I don’t want to talk about this. I don’t want to talk about how sad Gemma is. I don’t want to talk about Mum’s sleazy boyfriend. I don’t want to talk about how all this is weighing me down because it doesn’t make me happy. Do you know what I want to talk about? I want to talk about Louis. I want to talk about how beautiful his eyes are and how they crinkle at the sides when he smiles or laughs and how his hair falls when he’s cut it and the determined expression on his face when he’s trying to focus and how he subtly raises an eyebrow and breaks into a small smile and sighs every time he catches me staring at him.

And I hate this, because things are becoming bad again, and Louis seems to be the only happy thing right now.

And there’s a part of me which thinks I might’ve screwed that up.

It all started at the party Perrie threw last night.  Parties aren’t my thing, they never were. I don’t like drinking, I’m a terrible dancer and even though I can chat people up pretty easily, I don’t consider myself very social.

But I went because Louis loves all of those things and even if I could spend the entire party just looking at him and helping him when he got too drunk I would do it. Because I love him, and I know I shouldn’t but I have to. When I look at Louis I lose control of myself. Because I feel like so much more than just Harry when he’s around me. He makes me feel special, and he makes me happy, which is a rare occurrence from what I’ve noticed.

When I got to the party Louis was pretty drunk, and after some grinding and drinking he was leaning against me, basically humming into my chest. He suddenly had a random suggestion that we should bail, go to a field somewhere. I was almost going to refuse but then I was the drunken glaze leave his eyes for a second and gave in, taking his hand and walking down towards the park a few blocks away from where Perrie lives. It was about 1 am so the park was deserted, and I was basically internally freaking out because Louis was still holding my hand and he didn’t let go until he saw a swing and basically went crazy like a five year old on a sugar high.

I was happy too, because Louis was happy, and Louis makes me happy, and he had released his inner child, and I wasn’t happier to fall back and have fun with him. After a while, we were so tired we just collapsed on the grass, and then it happened.

I kissed him.

I don’t know how, I don’t know why, I just kissed him, and he kissed me back, and for one second, all my problems seized to exist. And then he pulled away and everything crashed down on me. We didn’t do or say anything after that, just stared at the dark sky before muttering something about going home and heading separate ways.

We haven’t spoken since, and I’m worried. He’s my best friend, I can’t lose him. Because he doesn’t even know, but he means so much more to me than he thinks.

I don’t want one impulsive greedy kiss to screw it up.

-Harry

 

22nd November

Dear Diary,

Again, I know I’m not writing as meticulously as I should be, but I can’t get myself to pick up a pen and write stuff out because I’m too busy suppressing everything I feel.

Everyone around me is happier now. Gemma is smiling again, and that’s amazing because she has a great boyfriend who’s nice and not too loud or mean but he always gives me some of the take out he brings when he’s coming over because he thinks I need it.  Mum isn’t dating that sleazeball anymore, which I am grateful for. Liam and Dani are celebrating their 2ndanniversary tomorrow, and Zayn’s smiling and laughing and Niall’s just as positive as he’s always been. Louis’ happy too, I suppose, with his new girlfriend Eleanor whom he met while he was in Grease in October, because she was in charge of costumes and I think she gave him a little more than a leather jacket when he was the Danny Zuko of everyone’s dreams.

Everyone here is happy right now, everyone except me.

Louis and I talk, and he still makes me laugh and smile and feel the same was as I did before, but we haven’t brought up the kiss. A part of me thinks he’s just forgotten because he was so drunk. But the other part knows he remembers, remembers kissing me back and feeling what I felt. I know it probably won’t happen, but I’m in love with him. I love him so much it hurts, but he manages to numb the pain down at the same time, which just leaves me confused. It physically hurts me to see him kiss Eleanor, because I know he’s kissed me before and that made so much more sense than this does. I hate her, I hate her so much because she has everything I want and she doesn’t even know it.

I just want Louis. All of him. I know it’s greedy and selfish and unfair, but I feel like I’m stuck in that part of the rom-com where it’s always raining and the protagonist is lost and sad, and then something happens and everything falls apart, leaving everyone heartbroken and miserable.

Why can’t I forward past it like I do for all the movies I watch?

-Harry

25 December

Dear Diary,

It’s Christmas Day today. December came around faster than I thought. We had a small Christmas come birthday party for Louis last night, even though all of us should’ve been with our families. We decided not to buy Louis anything because we were having our annual secret Santa anyway. Zayn and Perrie weren’t there, so we didn’t include them this year, but I doubt either of them cared a bit. Eleanor was there too, to my misfortune, but luckily Danielle was the one who picked her, buying her a new coat she wanted apparently, and I’m pretty sure I was the only one who noticed Louis’ dismay.

Liam picked Louis and ran to me for suggestions, and I gave him my backup idea because I was going to break the rules and give Louis an extra birthday gift. Liam gave Louis a poster of the fray, and he completely freaked out. Niall picked Danielle and gave her a photo frame with a picture of her and Liam when they first started dating freshman year, and she cried (and so did Liam, mind you) but Niall grinned in satisfaction in the fact that his last minute plan had worked. Eleanor picked Liam and gave him a book on Walt Disney, because “You just love Disney so much!” Bitch.

Okay, maybe not, Liam was overjoyed, but she’s the villain in my romantic comedy alright?

i picked Niall, who is relatively easy to shop for,  and took the effort to bake him 12 four leaf clover Christmas cookies which were actually really good, and I don’t think I’ve ever seen Niall happier. And Louis, he picked me. He gave me his gift after the party though, and I understood why later. He gave me a postcard, a picture of a park which I didn’t understand at first but then I saw what was written at the back.

_‘Meet me at the swings before midnight.’_

I don’t know what he’s planning, but I’m going there nevertheless, and I slipped my treasured John Travolta autographed tape of grease which I had gotten when I was ten into his bag, with a small presumably joking  _Happy Birthday, You’re the one that I want, Love Harry._  On the note.

I don’t know what’s going to happen now, but I don’t care. But for now all I can wish for is getting the wishbone of the turkey mum’s carving at lunch, so I can wish for Louis.

All of him.

 

2nd January

Dear Diary,

It’s the first entry of the new year! Maybe the last, for all I know, because I think I’ve finally gotten what I’ve been wanting for a while, and writing about it won’t reassure me of it.

At Perrie’s house on the 31st, everyone was drunk and dancing into the new year, while I sat awkwardly in the corner, sipping a drink trying to spot the blue eyes that were my saviour and my kryptonite at the same time. It was only when I’d asked Liam told me that Eleanor and Louis had broken up after the Christmas party, because he didn’t feel as connected to her anymore. Liam frowned at me when he saw me trying to bite back a smile, but he smiled eventually and smacked me on the head.

Niall was upside down drinking beer which some sophomore in minimal clothing was laughing and pouring down his throat, and Zayn and the host had snuck off somewhere. Around 11:45 I snuck off myself, following the instructions on Louis’ Christmas present, walking to the same park where Louis and I had kissed 2 months ago, hoping for the best.

I found Louis lying on the grass, holding a stupid red cup, waiting for me to arrive. When I went up and sat next to him, he grinned and told me i’d broken the rules and given him the tape, but smiled anyway. Everything was fine and platonic and happy till he said it.

“I remember it, you know.”

I didn’t know what to say, so I sat quietly and looked up at the sky, and braced myself for him to leave. Or punch me, or cry. I didn’t think what happened was going to happen, because I could hear people counting back from ten and fireworks bursting and my phone buzzing because it was 10 seconds to midnight. I almost didn’t realised when he did it.

I almost didn’t realise when Louis kissed me.

Louis kissed me. At midnight. In the same spot we’d kissed before, but it was better, because there were actual fireworks and people cheering in the background and it was almost so ridiculous it didn’t make sense but Louis was kissing me and I was kissing him back and nothing else mattered.

It just made sense. It made sense that I spent months staring at him and dreaming about him and thinking of him because it was worth it. Every moment of pining, every tear, dream, moment was worth it because it was Louis. And I knew it was worth it for him too, because I could hear his insides screaming with mine past all the other noise.

Because somehow, I actually managed to live out my rom com addiction. Because none of that shit lives up to this.

This maybe the last I’ll write for a while, because I’m happy, and that actually seems to be a regular occurrence now, which I am grateful for.

Because when this gets published and everyone is looking into my sanctum of inner thoughts, there’s one thing I want them to know. Look for your eternal duet partner. I found mine.

I found my purpose.

And that’s something I’m planning on holding onto forever.

**Author's Note:**

> Feeeeedback x


End file.
